After a Show - Dec. 2011

Ink and pencil crayon

Tim the Mute at Dandelion Emporium, November 2011

Ink and Pencil Crayon

Rowan at Occupy San Francisco - Oct. 2011

I Wonder Who You Are

As days go by I wonder,

where are you?

who could you be?

Do you look how I imagine?

Are your eyes big and brown?

Lips as full as mine?

will you be able to always make me smile

even when I'm mad at you.

Will you understand my sarcastic jokes,

my bluntness and my strength

or will you try to tear me down 

just like the rest of them?

Will you inspire me to do better,

even when I'm discouraged?

Or will you be quick to tear me down

when you think I'm too happy with who I am?

Will you support me when its time to make decisions

Or will you be the one to block my dreams and visions?

I imagine that if you truly exist you'll accept me as I am,

You'll never try to change me, only help me evolve

you'll be my strength, you'll be my rock, you'll be my everything...my all

Casey - Aug. 2011

"The Receptionists" - Aug. 2011

Portrait of Best Friend and Myself on Saturday Night

I watch as time stays still

Starring out the window out into the street,
buses pass by, loud and disruptive,
I watch blankly as the red light on my phone rings,
I grow bored each day, with this steady routine,
file on monday, expense reports the next day,
Is this all that life can be?
There has to more, a niche for me...
A place where I can do all things at will... free
To do something new monday through saturday
to let my creative mind flow...
to go to work everyday to a place
where time moves and not slow....

Lindsay of "The Living Deadbeats" July 2011

To the One I Call Kryptonite

I heard that if a man really wants to be with you, he'll make it happen...
well it's been over three years and still nothing,
it's like you use me, and make fun to your friends, I can almost here the laughing
I've waited for you, to open your eyes and tell me that I'm worthy
of your love, of your friendship, and everything between, something
I often times swear you off, but within no time I'm back hyptnotized
by you lips, your chest, and the way that you look at me, melts me from the eyes
I always claim to be the paperclip to your magnet automatically dawn to you,
but today is the day that I've had enough and i think you've had enough time too
so today I put on my wonder woman suit i am no longer crestfallen to your powers,
that desire, that fire, that once drove me crazy in moments of passion for hours
I dreamed of your evil twin, that deceived me in love and now its finally true,
you had me thinking all this time that I was never good enough for you.
Within these past few weeks its all become so clear,
I try to draw you in to me, but your heart is never quite near
I belch it out, I'm over it, I'm done, I purge you out of my system, you see
and now its finally become clear that you are not the one for me.

A Letter from the "dead"

I got an email tonight - a letter from the dead,

someone I haven't spoke to in years,

it took a moment to open the message then,I took a deep breath and read,

I wanted to hear what you had to say, I wanted to know if you cared,

it's like our love had lost its way, but I had to clear the air

how amazing it is that we forgive the men who've hurt us,

but not someone we once called a friend.

its crazy how we could hold such anger,

to someone we promised to love til the end,

Tonight I received a message from the dead,

someone I hadn't heard from in years,

but as I read the letter at hand,

it brought my eyes to tears.

Kiss Me I'm yours

This one goes out to the one that I adore
the one who keeps me smiling, and begging for more,
the one who has the power to make me  smile and laugh,
and in the same moment, makes me shout with wrath,
the one i feel most comfortable around, pressure free
the one who sometimes misjudges the anger in me,
the one I hate to want, and want to hate,
the only one who's smashed, but never been my mate.

This one goes out to the one I most adore,

I love being your friend, but I can't help but want more

the one I get along with, even when I'm mad,
the first one I hit up on the facebook, when I'm sad,

The one who i feel could be  the perfect fit,

the one who's always on some other bullshit,
The one who inspires me to be my greatest self,
as writer, but as his girl, he puts me aside on a shelf,
This one goes out to the one I adore,
the one I would be with, for rich or for poor,

The one who at first sight, melts me- I'm wet,

the one i fantasize about and wake up in a sweat
this one goes out to the one I love to adore,
you can have me at any moment...kiss me I'm yours.

Letter of Forgiveness

For over three years, we have not spoken,

Our hearts, so full of the pain we've soaked in.

Resentment, hurt, anger, from the person you chose

Girl we were best friends, sisters, once so close

I often times feel guilty, for introducing you to him,

Vows of friendship broken, to live  life on a whim

Eating away at my heart, this unforgiveness feels so wrong

My best friend, our sister, couldn't trust us to be strong,

Enough of this school shit, the school bells have rung,

Believe me when I say, we were all so silly and young,

Life with the Sky* has been loving and pulled me through,

I couldn't believe the control he had, but we let you do you,

So, I know that I have hurt you, and we'll you hurt me too,

So I ask that you forgive me, and know that I forgive you.

Although I'm out of acronyms one question still lingers,

this one thing that I could never quite grasp with my fingers,

How could you go through all that without your girls, frightened, alone,

with that decision, from that thought process, my mind will forever be blown...

You might have been ashamed, or embarrassed, I get that- I do,

but 3DP was real enough for you know that we would've been there for you...



Summer Romance- When that phone Rings

It's been over two years since I last felt a crush,

The excitement, the chill, that last little rush.

You know the feeling when your stomach flips,

You begin the tingle,  your heart starts to trip.

The sight of that name on your caller I.D ,

Sends you jumping up and down with excitement or glee.

You tell your girls how different he is and imagine what may come,

From this romance, how you think this may be the one.

The late night phone calls, followed up by that early morning text,

When you've completely forgotten all about your ex.

When you imagine what can be, dreaming of a future…

When you feel like a butterfly, soaring about, smelling the roses,

Flying high, feeling alive, who cares about where them hoes is

You fantasize all day about kissing his lips,

Then when you finally do its even better than you imagined.

The fulfillment of being infatuated, interested, intrigued.

Has you feeling so beautiful, so peaceful, and at ease.

There's is nothing like a summer romance, which begins in spring

That initial shock a woman feels, when his assigned tone goes off, and your blackberry finally rings

Damn, what happened?

Sometimes I wonder if ill end up alone

Because no one seems to get me.

They take my kindness for weakness

And my strength as a threat

They like to call me crazy, when I haven’t slashed a tire yet

When we both know most were deserving…

Its like I’m always in a battle between being me, and who they want me to be

I want to cater to my man, but hell most men just don’t deserve it

And even when I do, I wound up feeling used,

Mistreated, disrespected, taken for granted, and abused…

It feels like God stopped making real man, they no longer exists,

Too cheap to buy me dinner, but wanna fall into my abyss

Remember those days when a man had his woman’s back,

Treated her with respect, chivalry, romance – alla that?

There was once a time when men worked hard for love, indeed

But bitches these days have made it so easy to get lust, (for free)

Where is our moral fabric? How come so many can’t commit,

Be honest, loyal, loving, without some talk show shit.

And the ones who do wife us up, want us to be a trophy,

“Shut up, look pretty, cuz I bought that, so you owe me”

I definitely like to hold it down, but damn hold me down too!

Be there for me, like I’m always there for you.

Be my lover, my homie, my protector, check those who diss me

I’m looking for a real man to be the Jim Jones to my Chrissy.

hungry

I'm hungry and ready to serve you,
your servant I'll be with a smile on my face,
kisses upon my lips brings my thrist to quench.
I breathe for your face, I dream of the green.
to survive
to provide
I hunger for life.

A Bird Who breaks through

575

I walk in the sand
On a mission to meet you
But then I wake up
A dream in which I cant fly
A bird stuck in glass
I finally break through it
I soar beyond skies

To the Man of My dreams

To the man of my dreams:

Every time I close my eyes, all I see is your face,

Even when I open them, I’m caught up in your space.

To dream of a past lover, represents my unwillingness to let go,

You often protect me from what I’m running from, then tell me no.

It’s an unresolved issue, that’s holding me back ,

Some unfinished business, which causes me to lack,

The ability to move on and forward with my life,

But each time I see you in a dream, there’s strife.

Rivalry, conflict, with you and some other chick,

But what’s odd is that place of comfort, in which you represent.

It’s like this spell you have over me, drags me I must say.

I try to avoid my thoughts of you, in my walking life of day,

My eyes close and my body lies to rest ,my spirit jumps up to search for thee.

I need to let go, move on, and the end I must let be,

The end to us, scares me but it’s time to finally cope.

There will never be a me and you, so it’s time to drop the hope.

So to the man who haunts my daily thoughts, and even my slumbering dreams,

I walk beyond the realities of your feelings, and step on all what seems…

From this day foward, I close these doors,

And know that I'll never be your wifey, just another one of your whores...

I Dream of Louboutins

Each day I fight to take a step closer,

to be something great and unique,

to take a step away from becoming a grocer,

to have people beg for my mystique,

to offer the world my brand,

and they make me a household name,

to give women the power to take a stand,

for my work to be accepted, critically acclaimed,

I dream of Louboutins, I dream of being blessed,

I dream of becoming the next big thing,

I dream to have success.

You made a fool of me

oh how I've been fooled,
to think that you cared,
bamboozled, baffled, at the thought.
You had me so in joy, falling in deep like,
First you give me hope, but  its really sike.
a joke to you I was,
used me for what i could give to you.
rather that be a ride, food, or me.
I feel confused, tricked, that i put my guard down,
my heart was on the table, and you tossed it the the ground.
You fooled me, made a fool of me- over and over again,
When will true love come, when will I win?

A Dreamer

Rather my eyes are closed or wide awake,
for this dream, my heart, breaks.
A walk through this valley, on a search for gold,
in hopes that one day my dreams be told.
To offer the world my brain, thoughts, and world view,
I create a world, a character, so deep in fiction, but true.
To the human life, the conditions we suffer,
from heart break, to success, to find a lover.
I see ice, I see smoke, the future is unclear,
but I keep my mind focus on a dream- not fear.
The words hit the screen, one letter at a time,
and before I know it, a work of art is chime.
It's me, it's what I stand for, without a thought,
one day I will put to work, all the skills I've been taught,
But until that day, my heart shall not sway, this is what I must do,
my destiny, my passion, a story teller I ensue.

5-7-5

Golden trophies, praise,
the time to accept my fate,
A dream, passion, great.

You Made Me This Way

Men always want to label me, call me angry or bitter,

but it's mighty funny how they forget that they've instill this in her.

I once was a nice girl who believed in love romance,

now I'm just the lonely girl, drinking a glass of cognac.

I would always give my heart to the ones who didn't deserve,

always willing to do whatever they asked then I observed,

that although they were my world, I was nothing to them,

used me for my body, my cooking, heart and even limb.

It's odd cause the ones I never took seriously would always beg for my heart,

then once I gave it to them, a personal vendetta would tear it apart.

So I get tired, grow numb, and frankly I don't give a fuck,

say what's on my mind without a filter, if you can't swallow so chuck,

the truth, the reality, of how they treating me and making me feel,

people always can't handle when you keep it real.

Abuse me, take advantage, I'm only human for getting mad,

I express my hurt, express my feelings, cause I'm not the only one who should be sad,

You've created a monster that you can't handle, heartbroken I must say,

And you want to call me bitter and crazy, well if I am it's because you made me this way.

Fuck You- pay me

I would always be there for you, in hopes you'd do the same,
in an instant I'd jump up, at just the sight of your name,
on my phone, telling me that you're in need,
I come running, to rescue you, in a heartbeat that's indeed.
I'm always willing to help I even stop what I'm doing to bring you lunch,
but you stand me up, don't show up, my heart takes such a punch.
My heart was already broken from the one before,
but I stayed optimistic about us, and readied my heart to restore.
The heartache I once suffered you have no clue,
but the last person I'd expect to play me out was you.
He might have broken my heart, but you stepped on it with a knife,
twisted it, plunged deeper, my heart struggles for life.
don't bother to apologize, your sorry's mean nothing,
think you can use me, abuse me, like a doorknob or something?
I try to be genuine go beyond and above,
but guess I'm not good enough to receive someones love.

V-Day Sucks

Red roses, pink flowers, the day of love,

The day every girl plans and dreams of.

The day they give thanks to the one who is true,

But also the day you see their intentions for you.

You go out of your way to make sure there’s something,

Then he shows up, and in his hands- is nothing.

A day when you’re heartbroken by ungrateful little fucks,

You did all this planning for a Valentine’s Day that sucks.

A Step Towards Being Healed

Taking my first step towards being healed

I will no longer be bitter,

No longer live so damaged,

I will forgive all those who tried to break me,

And prepare myself for true love.

I will no longer be hurt,

No longer cry of heart ache,

I will forget those moments of deceit.

I will no longer be lonely,

No longer wonder what I could have done better,

I will finally let it go.

I will no longer be in sorrow,

No longer will I long for thee,

I am taking my heart back,

I declare my heart free!

signs of love

Signs of Love:

I never make love the exact same way,

I like to do it different, each time, each day.

I like to take control, watch me put on a show

Costumes, lingerie, music …hey I’m a Leo…

I never had a Pisces, never met an Aquarius,

I’ve dated a few signs, but my Kryptonite, was a Sagittarius.

He could get me wetter than a Hawaiian beach,

The way he sucked my tits, was like a Brazilian leech.

I met a few Virgos, who feel themselves too much,

But only my Gemini has had that amazing touch.

I love the way that he made love so soft so gently,

So deep and so thick I could fell every inch inside of me.

I now know the reason why they call them “the twins”,

It’s like having two lovers at one time, that is.

I had an Aries once, had the stamina of a beamer,

But he rushed too often, and was never able to please her.

I attempted to have a Taurus; he was so cocky, but small,

He wiggled around, begging for it like a kid in a mall.

Aw the Cancers, so sensitive, but crazy,

The Libras are too, sexy but lazy.

The Capricorn, so detailed, and irritating he got on my nerves!

But his head game was so crazy, can’t even find the words.

My first lover was a Scorpio, so thick, so long, so mean,

But hands down he was the most creative when it came to pleasing me.

Haiku: IDK IDK IDK

So it seems that we’re back at this once more

At first you show interest, and then you get bored.

You once drove me crazy with excitement and glee,

I keep chasing, but its clear that you’re not that into me.

It’s cool that we can chill have conversations that never ends

I don’t know, maybe it would be better, if we just remain friends.

Poem: Damaged Goods

DAMAGED GOODS:

My heart may still beat for love but my mind knows better.

I may get lonely at night, craving to have someone hold me,

But then I remember what it feels like to be “in love”

The heart ache, the tears, the continuous torture…

Feeling disrespected, unwanted and rejected,

Like I’m never good enough, even when I give my all

I want to trust and believe in love and relationships,

But I know not to believe anything they tell me,

I don’t feel like dealing with the disloyalty or the lying

I know it’s better to be alone, cause ill just end up crying

My mind would stay focused, my eyes would stay dry

I can’t afford to get hurt again; my heart would just die,

Shall I hold others responsible for the damaged caused,

I can’t believe that my heart’s innocence has been lost.

But I have so much love to give, holding him down is what I do,

Have I been so broken by love, or was that “love” untrue?

Poem: Having a Withdrawal

It’s been twelve days since I last had a hit,

That’s 288 hours since I last felt your lips,

The physical dependence my heart is to yours

I stare anxiously waiting for you to walk through my doors.

I crave your essence; I crave your presence,

I long to feel you deep inside of me.

It’s been twelve days since I last had a hit,

That’s 288 hours since I last felt your spirit,

A separation from my addiction- which is you

The headaches, the irritability- they don’t have a clue

I need you, I miss the shaking, the dizziness of your love.

Now my body has grown nauseated – I feel empty

Depressed, alone, and isolated, because you’re not here with me.

It’s been twelve days since I last had a hit,

That’s 288 hours of feeling my heart racing,

I’ve grown restless, can’t eat, can’t sleep

An insomniac you’ve created.

I wake up in cold sweats, from dreams so wet

I shiver myself awake into chills,

The chest tightening, the anxiety of not feeling your touch,

Has literally driven me insane.

It’s been twelve days since I last had a hit,

My mind screams for you, I can’t focus on a thing

That’s’ poor concentration evolved from being deserted

I have trouble breathing, trouble speaking – I feel numb.

The tension in my muscles, I’m dying to release,

I’m going through withdrawals, cause your presence has deceased.

"The Game" Returns to TV with a Vengence

Living Single, Martin, Girlfriends, Jaime Fox Show, Everybody Hates Chris, Half & Half, Different World, The Hugley’s, The Steve Harvey show, Moesha. These are all Black sitcoms that made us laugh, cry, and broke our hearts when they were suddenly off the air. When other shows like Friends or Everybody Loves Raymond come to an end, the networks put on this huge “Series Finale” saga, but when one of our shows comes to an end, that’s it-It just ends. The relatable drama, The Game was no different from its predecessors; however unlike the shows before it- fans of The Game fought back.

It was about four years ago on an episode of “Girlfriends” where we first met Melanie and Derwin Davis. We then sat on our couches glued to our televisions as we watched the two characters walk off the set of Girlfriends and into the set of their San Diego apartment on the show, The Game. As our hearts healed over the sudden end of our favorite black sitcom, Girlfriends, we began to trust the networks again when they gave to us The Game, a show about a group of NFL players and the women who had their backs. WE grew tied into the drama, Derwin cheating on Med School with her favorite R&B singer, Mel jumping into bed with Derwin’s teammate, Malik, Tasha Mack learning to separate her career from family and becoming willing to love, Jason and Kelly Pitts fighting over her buying a name brand of toothpaste- the show was a hit! Then suddenly the CW started moving the time slot so often that the show’s fans couldn’t figure out what time or day the show would air- eventually KILLING the show’s ratings! Needless to say, our show got cancelled, leaving viewers craving to know more after seeing Melanie and Derwin’s wedding get cancelled when his baby momma calls to say she’s in labor! DRAMA! WE were all frantic about the future of the show, we knew it was cancelled, but refused to accept the idea that it could be over. In for the first time in Black sitcom history, we the fans- fought for our show!

The show returned to television via BET on January 11, 2011, picking up 7.7 million viewers with a share of 10 (better than most shows on network TV <especially CW> can dream of doing these days). The show picks up two years later and drops the audience into the world of the characters two years later, where Derwin and Melanie are married, Derwin is the star player on the Sabers, Tasha Mack works for Derwin, Kelly and Jason are divorced, and Malik is in a downward spiral of celebrity mayhem. Drama at its best! The reboot episode of the series has fans in an anxious torment on what this season will bring. With BET hiring the original cast, keeping the same producers, and most importantly same writers, there’s no question that this show will go on to become not only a hit, but a classic as well. CW, eat your heart out!

Redbull & Vodka

Redbull and Vodka:

One sip of this love, I’m hyper and I must dance,

You undo my skirt, and I unzip your pants.

You get me so high, my body’s full of energy

It’s so good I feel every inch inside of me.

 Your touch is like a shot of the goose,

 I can’t help it I just wanna get loose.

With the thickness of the juice, floating down my throat,

I gobble and I swallow, with one large and loud gulp.

The combination of the two is an explosive mix,

Not supposed to happen, but it makes me wanna do tricks.

I can take it hot, and I can take it cold,

Hold the ice, freeze the cup, because I wanna be told.

The sweet bitterness trickling down my lips,

I can feel the ecstasy deep down in my hips.

I’m going wild, with excitement from this Chemical reaction

The truth serum I’m taking in, I scream, there’s no acting

You give me wings, make me fly, boy I got ya

You remind me of redbull and vodka…